Words by Sophie
First off I have NO trouble AT ALL with self love itself. In fact it forms a huge part of my job. I practice many things in my daily life to make sure I am showing myself love, appreciation and credit for the wonderful being I am.
The trouble is the idea that we should love ourselves with all our flaws, celebrate our differences and see our worth unconditionally is not helped by our surroundings and by our ideas (created by our surroundings I might add) of how we should be and how we should look.
It’s very hard to love yourself when all you see are people being celebrated and praised who are the total opposite to you.
A different shape, A different size,A different colour, A different type of hair,
A different sexuality, A different gender,A different age, A different skill set,
A different lifestyle, A different income, A different personality, A different interest,
A different politics, A different belief, A different family set up, A different well anything.
The age of social media means we can be fed images of lives we feel are so far from our own and so how can we ever measure up.
We forget that everyone on this earth is totally utterly and completely unique
and how wonderful is that.
I have such a desire for this to be celebrated.
We also forget that we are only seeing highlights of these social media lives, we are not seeing the hard times or the more boring, mundane times.
We are so focussed out, watching others, that we do not even see how wonderful WE are.
Yes we might not be at the place we are aiming for yet, but by focussing only on what we haven’t yet done or how we will be unable to do something we do not see what we HAVE achieved. What we are doing and what success we have.
When I search for synonyms for self love I met with another problem; the language we have to use to describe this concept of loving yourself.
So the language even points to the fact that we shouldn’t be showing ourselves love. We are fed this idea that saying we are good at something, that we are powerful, that we are capable and are amazing in our uniqueness is bad.
It’s drummed into us. The child who talks to loudly about her ability to sing or dance is labelled precocious. A person who speaks about how great they are at what they do makes us shy away from or label as a diva, big headed, a show off.
We are allowed to be good at things. We are allowed to recognise our worth.
If we believed in ourselves more and were shown the wonder of our bodies earlier in life I have no doubt AT ALL that there would be less fear surrounding birth and motherhood.
It would not seem so strange for a woman to do the powerful and awe inspiring feat of birthing (no matter how that birth unfolds) as we would already know and see how much we are capable of.
We need to change the way we talk about ourselves, and in doing so we will change things for our children.
With this in mind here are some small things I do to make changes ~
Focus on what is working rather than where you feel you lack
Have confidence in your body. Look how far it has got you already.
Use new words about your self. Try and compliment your self every day
Know you are wonderful, beautiful and powerful in your own unique way. There is no one else on this earth like you, nobody can be YOU. To quote Dr. Seuss (as I like to do at such times ha)
‘Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!’
And that alone gives you huge value and is something to be celebrated x
If you would like to hear more come join our facebook group Calm Birth Kent. We post things like this everyday and have a wonderful community of women and their birth partners. To find out about working with us during pregnancy to change your mindset and your approach to birth and motherhood then contact us here